Food Coma

As many, many before me have done, I suffer from the constant torment of Post-prandial somnolence -- Commonly called "Food Coma." If you haven't experienced this disastrous condition consider yourself lucky. To what shall I compare the effects of food coma?

Think of your brain as a highly precise instrument (even if yours is not); like a surgeon's scalpel. Now, take that scalpel with it's infinitely sharp edge and point and walk out to the side walk, and grind down it's refined edge until it resembles a butter knife fallen into the garbage disposal.
Next, take the scalpel and run it over with a dump truck, so that the handle is bent and jagged.
To top it off, go swirl the toilet water of your favorite public restroom with the--now unrecognizable-- scalpel.
Give it back to the surgeon and ask them to perform any type of surgery. You will see that not only will they not be able to perform but they will also irrevocably contaminate anything that has been touched by the scalpel.

I kid you not, whenever it decides to kick in, my brain no longer functions. It is as if someone opened up my scalp and poured gravy all over it. My vision gets blurry, I can't think straight and I feel as though I would murder someone for a cot and pillow. Just think Kevin James' impression of himself after eating a Big-Mac.

If you would like to experience my pain simply follow these rules:

1. Get less than adequate sleep
2. Eat a moderate to large lunch with lots of carbohydrates.
3. Sit back and wait for your productivity and IQ to plummet.

I sincerely hope that you are not one of the throng of people who suffer under the affliction but if you are just think..."At least Jonathan gets it worse!"


Now time for Q&A

Q: Since you seem to be an expert on "Food Coma" how can we recognize the signs of Post-prandial somnolence in others?
A: Two things should give away: 1) A blank or spacey look on their face combined with slow verbal and physical response to stimulae 2) Excesses of drool--beyond any normal drooling the subject might be prone to.

Q: Ok, now I'm scared of becoming a brainless zombie! What can I do to prevent this from happening to me?
A: Now, don't freak out...Usually the condition only lasts for about an hour or two. So, even if you do fall pray, you may still survive to live a long and productive life...maybe. To completely avoid the situation I would suggest not eating. Yes, thats right. Don't eat.

Q: Wait a second, how can you--the lover of all things edible--recommend that as a course of action?
A: Well, I didn't say that I actually follow my own advice. You will find that people all across the globe know of this solution but choose not to take it.

Q: But Why?
A: The bottom line is, people are weak. They love food, and they have very bad memories. When I see a nice juicy hamburger in front on me I am not thinking about how I will not be able to function afterward--no, I am thinking about how good it is going to taste; about how crunchy the pickles, how sweet the tomatoes...

Q: Where are you going?
A: Check your watch! It's lunch time...

The Journey Home

So, I currently reside just past Scotts Valley off Hwy17. My living situation is most agreeable... It is still close to Santa Cruz, but it is also close to San Jose, where I have to drive (or ride) to work.

I live with a family of people that I love, whom I laugh, enjoy, and have fun with. In my relaxing time I can lay by--or in-- the pool that is about 50 meters from my bed. From the tip of the driveway I am able to see all the way to big sir (about 30 miles) and the ocean. "The Ranch" is a place that lots of people from our church come to spend a day of fun, and I get to live there!

Jesus loves me.

Here's the rub...
They decided to re-pave the whole driveway. Since the driveway is the only access to the house, this is a very big deal. No one can drive into the part of the ranch that we live in.

Now, of course I knew that this was going to be happening...but did not plan well for it. When I was told all this I decided that I would just park my motorbike for the week and just use my car. After all, a car is much more handybthan the bike and it wouldn't hurt to have it. Come Monday morning ( the day they started ripping up the asphalt) I was awoken by a giant machine tearing up the road, and I hadn't gotten the car out yet....there is no way for a car to get out. Luckily I had my motorcycle and I could just barely scoot by the monster.

Now we have no direct access to the house...

Instead we drive another two miles down the road to where there is another entrance to the actual "ranch" part. From there drive up a pretty beaten up (partly dirt) road to where I can park. This part of the adventure gets really interesting because I drive a motorcycle and my bike is really not meant for any kind of bumps or dirt. Just picture how funny I must look driving up that road losing traction and swerving everywhere.

After I park I then have to transfer myself into a glorified gold cart and ride another mile or so up dirt trails to the house. This acutally ends up being really fun but it makes getting home really difficult.

So, if you are having a lousy day just remember that at least you have a driveway.

Posted with LifeCast

iPhone Day

Last Friday, July 11, will now forever be known as iPhone day. The much anticipated (at least by myself and a few, nose tap, others) release of Apple's newest gadget was met by my brother (Jesse), a friend of mine (Bilbo Passerino) and myself driving to the Los Gatos Apple store to wait for our new prize. Not having any idea of what the line would look like we decided to show up a little before the store opened at 8am.

Upon arrival, we saw that there were a measly 200 people in front of us. Doing the math, we decided that they would probably have about 20 salespeople helping customers purchase their iPhones. We thought that going through the process to buy a phone shouldn't take longer than 10 minutes, so if they stayed on that schedule, they would average about 30 seconds per customer. That would put our line waiting time at about 1 1/2 hours. No problem.....

"Measly, ha!" It turns out that slightly under trained staff combined with an abundance of technical issues (iTunes crashing) turned our ignorant average processing guess from 30 seconds to 2 minutes.

Yes, thats right...we waited 6 hours.

And now the Q&A

Was it worth the wait?
--Yes
You know, you could have gone the next day and not waited in any line.
--Ya, I know.
So, why didn't you just wait and not bother with the line?
--I got my phone before you did.
Why does that matter? You are going to have that phone for a while probably...whats one day?
--Who had their phone first? Me.
What do you think of the iPhone so far?
--It absolutely destroys any mobile device that I have ever used. On a scale of 1-10 I would give the iPhone a 10 and the closest other device at a 5. I cannot say enough how great this compute...I mean phone is.